Kind of like when you’ve had the flu, or maybe food poisoning…and you’re feeling so much better. Your stomach finally doesn’t hurt, but you’re still afraid to make any sudden moves for fear the nausea will return… That’s how I feel. SO MUCH… Freer. Buoyant. Light enough to bounce…But unwilling to move too quickly.
I am kind of ashamed to say that I think it’s because I feel like there is a wee bit of…. Karma…. occurring for The Him this week. He’s going to have to sit through a trial all week and have his arrogance rubbed in his face, and paraded before The Woman, and the town.
I honestly hope that justice prevails, and that his life is eventually restored to some semblance of normalcy, but I do so love the idea that he was to reap at least a little bit of the conceitedness he’s sown…
Does this make me bad? I hope not.
There is something about knowing what’s happening to him that frees me. I’m afraid that that makes me a person “of little faith.” It would be better if I could be free without the knowing. Better if I could trust that God/The Universe had things in control without my “assistance.” I know this, but for today… today… I’m just gonna enjoy buoyancy… for as long as it lasts..
The gravitational pull of The Him, and the last 10 months, is just the slightest drag at my back. I feel like closing my eyes and drinking in sunshine. Like I’m a prisoner who has just been let into the yard after time in solitary confinement. I want to believe that I’m not stopping here in the yard… I want to believe I’m headed for the outer gates, and my freedom.
I know this may just a push out to sea, or my pendulum swinging to the happy spot, but if it is… then “so be it.” I’m grateful for every pain free minute.
If what I’m being taught is true, that my being grateful for my happiness will bring me more happiness, then I’m going to be grateful with all my heart.
You do know that we teach what which we most need to learn right? So I'm gonna go talk to an audience I'm familiar with....
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| So, we just have to believe we're free and be thankful for it? |
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| Wow, it worked! I sure could have done without the needle in my butt though. |
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| Hooray!!! Go cows go!!! |
Prairie Girl, and her Companions…
Enjoy it! With all the weight you've lost, just be sure to tie a rope around your leg so you can get back down to us. We're still waiting our buoyance!! Love Ya
ReplyDeleteLove you too... well, you know what goes up must come down... so it was only a "day pass" but I'll take it.
ReplyDeleteAngels on your body.
Justice did prevail yesterday... he received his fly away free card.. I cried for an hour.. It had been the focus of my life as well as his for the past 11 months... I am relieved it's over.. I hope this brings me closure...
ReplyDeleteI got a phone call this am.. The Fluffy Twit posted at "the bar" that she loved him and couldn't wait to move forward in their future together and (this is the galling part) they'd been through the worst and had done it TOGETHER... I loved/believed in/built him up/put my life & plans on hold/stood by him for 10 months. She shows up for the last 6 weeks and says she got him through it all...
He texted me to tell me when it was over yesterday.
My mom texted him later saying though she despised him she was glad it turned out the way it did...
So he then tried to pick a fight with me @11pm about how I hurt him 20 years ago and that's why I deserved being hurt now... I told him I didn't deserve it and I'd shown him only love... he backed off and said I was right that he was mad at mom and shouldn't have said anything... Oh and this is rich.. that he "respected and loved" me... He doesn't even know what the words mean...
I've been a little under the weather, but am going to go walk on the prairie anyway and see if it can soothe me...
I don't think I say it enough but I so appreciate each and every one of you who read these and often write back...
Angels on you bodies
I'm so glad you are getting glimpses of happiness again my friend, with each day that goes by you will see more and more, of this I'm sure. Love you girl!
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