First an update…. Yes it was my sweet dog Ranger who died this summer…The hole he left in our life has been spackled…
but it’s apparently taken two dogs to do it….
Shortly after he died I was at Cowboy Zeke’s place and he had acquired an extra dog…. One that was no longer wanted where she lived cause they had bred her until they worried her hips had gone bad… Zeke didn’t want her, already having 2 dogs himself, but didn’t want these people to kill her as she was one of the “sweetest animals on Earth”… So she came to live with me.. Her hips may not last a long time but she is happy, and active and in no pain….
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| Vegas |
About the same time, back in Colorado where the Spirit Guides were, Ranger’s daughter had puppies and the kids insisted they needed one of Ranger’s grandpuppies… Incidentally, Sally got one too…. The woman who’s never had a dog in the house now lets this little twerp SIT ON HER LAP ON THE COUCH! She is crazy about her…
I in NO way wanted a puppy… I would have been happy with Vegas (the dog from Zeke)… but Tallulah Belle, or Tullah (as we call her for short) is growing on me… She, too, is one of the sweetest animals on the planet…
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| Tallulah Belle |
Now, for a long delayed tumbleweed…. Sorry about the wait… I guess it just had to simmer a bit…
Now- Vibrate me… Part 2 - I want what I want…
For years I have said “the Universe/God has a knack for giving you exactly what you want about 2 weeks after you stop wanting it.”
What I have come to understand is that this saying, while often appearing correct, is NOT an accurate statement…
I don’t know about you but I have guilt about wanting things… situations… whatever…I feel guilty for a couple reasons, the first being that it feels ungrateful to want more than I have.
I was raised to be grateful… Count my blessings…And I am, I do. I whole heartedly understand the importance of gratitude…
Yet still …I want…
Wanting, wanting, wanting…… Seriously, who told us wanting was bad? Well, I catch myself chastising my kids for wanting… when it’s me they want to buy the stuff…
Honestly, would we have the technology we have if someone hadn’t wanted… more time? More productivity? You get the drift…
I have come to the realization that wanting is GOOD. It creates, inspires, motivates, makes us grow.. achieve.. get better at something.. improve…
I mean honestly, there always has been, and always will be, something that we can point at and say “If I had that I’d feel better/look better/ have more fun/or something”…..
So, I don’t tell the Spirit Guides to NOT want and just be thankful anymore..
I tell them now that it’s good that they want, but I might not be the Source of their desires…
I tell them they need to come up with a means to get what they want “other than the mother”…
So… Tanner’s been learning to count out the change from his piggy bank, and the checkers at Walmart are very patient as he does….Like when he bought this bike... true story.
But lets get back to the wanting…. What do we want?
What is it that pops that first little thought bubble of desire in our awareness?
The girl growing up in a mansion with the proverbial silver spoon in her mouth doesn’t go around wanting mansions or pools or cars.. “Well no shit Sherlock” I hear you say… but stay with me.. What DOES she want? Well, it varies I’m sure but, most likely something she DOESN’T have…
Well we know what mine has been for the past 10 months.. Since waking up from a miserable marriage during which I was stuffing myself with food to numb out from… I got the “glimpse”… The taste… of something that I might have considered “urban legend”. Or at the very least, only for other people…Until I learned that it not only existed but I could experience it.
I think that often we do not actually know what we want until we notice we do not have it.. We see someone else with it, or we experience discomfort due to a lack of it…
I didn’t know I wanted a man who really “got” me… understood, me. A man that would talk to me about spiritual and psychological, meaning of life things, as well as what he was doing, until the Golf Pro… Now a man that “gets” me, and can use words is top of the list of things I look for… But there were things I wanted like honesty and faithfulness that he lacked… so… Next!
This left me back to wanting….wanting… that sweet desire… What I am now told is the first step to changing my life? Well, that’s a relief cause I do want what I want….
According to Abraham-Hicks and the Law Of Attraction… Asking for what you want is the first of three steps….
They say that we ASK in everything we do… just living life. That with every experience we have we refine what we want and don’t want… What we like and don’t like… We don't even have to ask out loud. God, or The Universe, knows what we want, what is in our hearts. It hears even when we haven’t articulated the thoughts completely…
So every time I experience something I do not want, like a guy that lies.. well, except to tell me I AM the most wonderful woman on Earth…I am picky about my lies… I’ll make sure he “gets the memo”…. Or a lack of money come bill time.. Or unfriendly people at the store… Anything that I DON’T want/like or makes me feel bad… According to the Law Of Attraction, The Universe is up there making note of it all…automatically adding to, and subtracting from items on my “desire” list…then creates it…This is step two - IT IS GIVEN.
So according to this line of thought, the Universe answers my prayers automatically and everything I want is put in a “vibrational reality”… It’s already in existence but to see it I have to vibrate at the same frequency, so to speak.. Kind of like the keys I can’t see the first 12 times I look for them in the exact spot they turn out to be….
Okay, I’ll try to suspend my disbelief for just a spell… try to believe who.. or rather what quantum physics says I am… a vibrational being…But if this Law Of Attraction theory is true, where is what I want? If I create it just by wanting it how do I get my mitts on it? How do I SEE it? Touch it?
Do I really have to stop wanting it like the saying above says?
We’ve all heard people say “I just gave up and decided I’d be alone and he showed up”…Or, “When you least expect it the perfect man will show up”….I hate it when people say those to me… It’s all I can do not to throw up on their shoes…
That makes it sound like I can’t/won’t get what I want as long as I want it…I mean how the Sam Elliot does THAT work… Why would I be happy to get something I no longer want?
How do I stop expecting it! I WANT it! So I look for it everywhere! According to that school of thought, I am keeping AWAY what I want by simply WANTNG it! Like telling a person who’s starving as soon as they stop wanting to eat the food will arrive…I want to smack someone over this thought…
But…..doesn’t there have to be some truth to it? I mean with all the giving up people do that yields them exactly what they stopped wanting?...
What’s interesting is that in SO many areas of my life this stuff is dead on… I always have enough money to meet my needs and a lot of my desires… People are amazingly good to me 99.9% of the time… I guess I gotta have that itsy bitsy percentage for “contrast”… To keep refining my “want” list…Or so they tell me…
According to the Law Of Attraction we DON'T get what we want because we stop WANTING it, it’s impossible to stop wanting what we want..….It’s not the WANTING that keeps it away. It’s noticing what we want hasn’t arrived yet… Tricky huh?
Well it’s very true for the business part of my life…I’ve told you how my business has grown since I’ve been here right? I have a waiting list of 24 customer quilts that stays pretty consistent… In Colorado I had 6 or 8 one time in 6 yrs…the rest of the time it was never more than 1 or 2 waiting..
Someone asked me the other day how I grew my business…did I advertise, or what? I told them I ignored it… I’ve spent the last 6 months working on myself, and my beliefs about relationships… As I focused on relationship my business boomed all on it’s own…and I still don’t have a relationship…. Notice me noticing? Yeah… I’m working on it.
This brings me to step three in this Law Of Attraction stuff… ALLOW it in. Apparently, to get the things I’ve created on my vibrational desire list, I have to change my vibration to match them... Because vibrations make the unseen reality a seen one…
I hear you saying …”WTF? (only in words not letters) I’m with ya.. How am I supposed to change my vibration? Go sit on the washer during the spin cycle?... WTF?”
The claim is that it’s as easy as falling off that same washer…but that it’s foreign so it takes doing it on purpose…..We have to change the way we feel….our emotions…In essence we have to FEEL our way to the non ringing phone so it can ring in our hands as we get to it…To use Cousin Julie as an example…
So how do I change my “vibration”?... Well supposedly by THINKING about what I want until I can “feel” how good it would feel to have it….
Thought is the rocket ship that takes us to where we go in life…basically creating our life…. and FEELINGS are the GPS that tell me where I am and if it’s on the way to where I WANT to go…
I get what I think about… just like I tell my kids “you find what you look for”…Anything I think about enough that it causes me to have emotions about will get bigger in my life…
I don’t know when, or remember who, but at some point in my life I was told that my emotions were NOT to be listened to because they were transient, fleeting, not be counted on or acted upon.. I was told they were to be ignored and I was to just do things regardless of how I felt…
I have now learned that my feelings… emotions…are like the dashboard of my rocket ship… they tell me not only my fuel levels, and temperature, they tell me my heading, and trajectory…. They are my compass…And my thoughts are the fuel…
I now understand there is a need for balance here though.
Recently I have seen people, who’ve become aware of their emotions, after being cut off from them for so long, begin to WORSHIP them the way a person living 100 yrs ago might do a cell phone after seeing it for the first time. It would seem like some sort of magical creature or god, instead of just a useful tool...
It’s important for me to pay attention to what I’m feeling, but not to expect everyone around me to validate, accept, understand, put up with my emotions… That would be like if the low fuel light came on in my car and I pulled over and stopped traffic so I could announce it to the world like it meant something Earth shattering to them…
It doesn’t mean anything to anyone but me.. it’s MY car.. It’s important to MY journey.. If I ignore it I am gonna end up stranded and walking, but it’s just information. Not a proclamation from God…I am supposed to DO something about it… MYSELF.
It’s no one’s job but my own to switch between paying attention to the important information on my dashboard, and maintaining my PRIMARY focus…. WHERE I WANT TO GO!
That is what I’m trying to learn to do in my life… keep my focus on where I WANT to go.. what I WANT to feel…how I WANT to be… not what IS…
Kinda like a story someone told me recently about a guy who wanted to learn to drive a race car.. They put him in a car that could be remotely sent into a high speed spin …This is apparently done to teach drivers how to handle such an incident during a race. They told him the only way to recover from a spin was to keep your eyes on where you wanted to go… If you looked at the wall you would go into the wall, so look down the track where you WANT to go…
So, in light of these possible truths (heck what do I know, we’ve already established my eyes are brown) I am trying to pay attention to, and control my emotions instead of letting them control me….I’m trying to find my “happy place” as Sally calls it… I call it riding a fast moving horse….BAREBACK
She started trying to get this “happy/peaceful” concept into my head last year when the heartbreak that started this journey occurred. “Find your happy place, find your happy place” she said…She even said it earlier today. And as I find my “happy”, my life works… I get more happy…
But lest anyone be misled into thinking I have this all figured out…. Next I’m going tell you about riding fast moving “horses of happiness” and falling head first into horse shit..
I HATE it when it happens. It makes me feel like a complete fraud to ever have told you anything so Pollyanna positive like I do…
When I fall face first and am lying bruised and discouraged blowing manure bubbles, I wish I could delete this whole blog…. True story…
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| This is only mud, not manure, but it illustrates my feeling. |
But my mama ALWAYS made me get back on my horse when I fell off in real life… threatened me with a stick if the truth be told…
So I get back on my spiritual horse as well… and I’m working on my riding skills…balance… vibrating in time with my horse…I’ll tell you about adventures in that next…
