Cowboys And Kryptonite

 

I read something the other day that struck me quite profoundly… “Be prepared then for opportunity disguised as great loss.”

Hmmm…. I wonder about this… I hope that it could be true for me… but then what other choice do I have?

Well, obviously there is another choice.. bitterness, unhappiness, staying miserable.. trying to control everything or everybody around me in the vain attempt to avoid ever being hurt again…but that is not a life worth living, at least in my not-so-humble opinion..

So.. I choose hope.. faith… I choose to look for the opportunity offered to me in loss..

I am learning so much about the power of our minds…our thoughts.. our ‘intent” if you will.

When I am brought to my knees in sadness, and fear I remind myself that what we look at is indeed, what we see… what we look for is what we experience more of..

So when I am on my knees, I look for ANYTHING I can be thankful for… air in my lungs… the smiles on my Spirit Guide’s faces… I start wherever I am and go up from there. Walking gratitude… I believe it's the next step after “walking forgiveness” (Walking Forgiveness)

Someone asked me how I got over wanting to talk about my hurt… How did I get to the point that I cannot even stand to read the earlier posts on here that talk about what The Golf Pro did…  It’s hard to believe but I don’t even want to read what I wrote! I don’t want it in my mind now that it’s finally out… But, how did I get it out? Hmmm…

Well, first and foremost I do believe time is our friend… if we CHOOSE to let it be that is… Also, I think it would have to be said that I started choosing what I allowed into my mind. Choosing what I would look at, think about, contemplate.

I actually got into an argument with a friend who still checks in at “the bar” (the social networking site) and wants to tell me what The Golf Pro and the new woman are doing.. I looked at her and said do you not see me peaceful? Happy? I cannot have peaceful and happy if I put “them” into my head…

I’m not sure she really understands…

I’ve had to choose what I would allow myself to know.

What I put in my head determines what I feel. Garbage in, pain and suffering follow… Gratitude, submission, surrender in ….eventually peace will follow… Even if it’s only pockets of peace in the beginning… they really do get longer and longer.. Then one day you will find that they are the majority, and the loss or sadness is only a fleeting sensation

See… we are magic… BUT..we are also equipped with free will to decide NOT to use our creative and magical powers. And even though we are powerful creative beings we cannot, however, overpower our own minds.

That’s why diets don’t work.. We cannot NOT want to eat when we’re constantly thinking about food… Constantly making judgments about it, and ourselves for eating or not eating it..

We cannot overcome the grief of our loss by thinking about what we no longer have.

It’s just like Superman and Kryptonite… All his amazing super powers were rendered null and void in the presence of a little rock.. All our amazing creative forces cannot overcome themselves..

So how do we get past the sadness, the loss, the Kryptonite if we cannot overpower it?

We “change the channel.”

We think about where we WANT to go, what we want to feel…. We change our minds and change our world… Great-groovy-grand on a day when it’s all peaches and sunlight but what about when the weight of our loss comes over us so heavy it brings us to our knees?

Well… we go to our knees.. We submit, because we cannot overpower it… and when it lessens.. and it will.. while we’re still down there we search for one thing to be thankful for. One shining spot.. our grand-babies smile.. the fur angel who’s come and pressed a wet nose in our hair cause he thinks we’re down there to play with him… Or even a distant hope.. fantasy even, that one day we will be happy..

We think about what that would feel like… What would "us, happy" look like? We spend a few minutes there.. escaping, no matter how briefly, what we are currently experiencing as reality…

“The Wright brothers didn't contemplate the staying on the ground of things.

Alexander Graham Bell didn't contemplate the non-communication of things.

Thomas Edison didn't contemplate the darkness of things.

In order to float an idea into your reality, you must be willing to do a somersault into the inconceivable and land on your feet, contemplating what you WANT instead of what you DON'T HAVE....” - The Power Of Intention by Wayne Dyer

Contemplating.. contemplating… contemplating….  That seems to be the key… I am trying to pay attention to what I am contemplating.

So just exactly WTF makes me think any of this shit works? I’ll tell you but it might freak you out…

Here’s my reality for the past year… A miserable marriage that I thought I was trapped in.. A divorce that made my Ex nastier.. No work for me or The Ex…bill collectors ringing my phone off the wall day long.. My mom moving into my house because she’s making the payments on it anyway..Having to move away to another state with babies that I need to protect and provide for ..A lover who declared his undying love and proposed marriage only to cheat on and use me.

Here’s my “happy place” for the past 2 months.. I couldn’t pass the test (not enough math skills) for a job I applied for at the Spirit Guide’s school here… but in the town where I’m moving they’ll tutor me for the test… My quilting business here is not enough to support me.. There, they are already forming a line. I brought 2 quilting jobs home with me after my scouting trip last week.. I’m overwhelmed with the packing I would have to do to get out of this house.. Someone volunteered to do it for me in exchange for a T-shirt quilt and a bed I’m leaving behind anyway… I had 8 puppies to find homes for.. A neighbor took them yesterday to a petting zoo and found great homes for all of them…

Every step I take into thin air lands on firm ground… It appears out of nowhere… I have no other way to explain it other than that I’ve "changed" my mind.

I know that our minds are powerful. A hypnotist can make a sane, normal individual believe beyond all reason that they are imprisoned in a dungeon with walls they can honestly, physically, not cross when, in fact, they are in the middle of an empty stage. The walls existing only in their mind… The amazing writer, Richard Bach proposes in his book Hypnotizing Maria that hypnosis is nothing more than a suggestion accepted…

So.. just in case he's right… I make these “suggestions” to myself daily, then I endeavor to accept them..

-Everything that happens around me works out for the good of all concerned.

-People are as kind to me as I am to them.

-Coincidence leads me to others who bring lessons for me to learn, and for whom I have lessons to give as well.

-I am abundant to overflowing with everything I need to become the person I choose to be.

-I remember that I created this world, and that I can change and improve it by my own suggestion whenever I wish.

-Time and again I see confirmation that my world is changing just as I planned it to change, and I find the changes better than I imagined.

-Answers to every question come to me in some clear way, including quick and unexpected, and from within.

For a special pick-me-up treat the Universe “threw” me a cowboy… I said before that cowboys are my blood type.. They are able to heal me by reminding me where I come from, and what I’m made of.. This one is a confirmed bachelor, but promises he’ll make me smile until my Diamond shows up…

Remember my Diamond?… The REAL thing the Cubic Zirconia Golf Pro left me hungry for?

In the meantime the cowboy sits with me and we watch afternoon thunderstorms roll by.. He soothes me with his soft southern drawl, calling me “sweet pea”…  He listens to my words, even reading things from this blog, without saying things like “well thank you Dr. Freud” or some other put down the Ex was so fond of… He is a balm until the Diamond arrives, and I am healed in his presence.

Because of these gifts I can almost believe in a Diamond… Almost.

Sally says he’ll be so good to me it will make up for the 12 years of bad I had with The Ex… She says she KNOWS this, and that she will hold the knowing for me until he arrives… I’m thankful because that is one area I lack faith… I still dare myself to dream.. hope… I contemplate it…..but the knowing can still escape me….

If the truth be told I Probably “contemplated” both the Ex AND the Golf Pro right out of my life by calling into existence the man of my dreams…

Want to hear what I say?

I’ll tell you but don’t tell anyone…

I say, “I am a Queen and I am blissfully mated to my King, my Knight in Shining Armor.” Sometimes I add “a grown up man who loves and adores me and treats me with kindness and respect.” It’s this last part that would have run The Ex & The Golf Pro out of my life on a fast rail…

Then I read something by the Pioneer Woman talking about Marlboro Man and borrowed part of it as my own..

“Thank you God for this man…

The Stealer of My Heart

The Recipient of My Affections

The Keeper of My Joy

The Lover of My Words & Mind

The Igniter of My Passions

The Friend & Asset of My Children

The Eater of My Cooking

The Hero of My Love Story

The Disruptor of My Sleep

The Subject of my Daydreams

The Tickler of My Armpits

The Poker of My Ribs

The Balancer of My Craziness

The Calmer of My Storms

The Manager of My Remote Control

The Love of My Life

Amen”

I contemplate these things I want in my life. I contemplate and I express thanks for them until I can almost feel them... until I can imagine they are real.

I look for the opportunities in the midst of my loss, and amazingly…miraculously, they appear and even multiply before my eyes.

Tomorrow I’ll tell you more about the weight loss… It’s up to 80lbs by the way…but I’ve run on too long tonight…

Thank you for reading these notes… Thank you for being such a huge part of my healing.. Maybe someday I will hold your knowing for you when you need it… Send me a tumbleweed and let me know..

Angels on your bodies.

Prairie Girl.