Weighty thoughts...

Contemplating Weight Loss

First I have to admit something to you… Every time I write a post that’s all positive and uplifting I’ll be in a major funk the next day… Weirdness I tell you. I can’t explain it. This one’s lasted a week though.

It might have something to do with the fact that half of my life is in a gooseneck trailer in my front yard. I say only half because that’s all I’m getting to take.

I think I have a house that has room for my quilting machine (my business) and the rent is a mere song… Another answered prayer.. But I’m leaving my life as I’ve known it for the past 8 years.. This is the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere in my life… True story.

I’m overwhelmed and not feeling my bravest, but I am putting one foot in front of the other and I am still “upright - not duct taped to the floor and drizzled with fire ants.”

While I am sad I honestly do see the perfection. I do see the hope. I’m just trying to keep my faith in the appearance of land beneath my steps into thin air… I’m trying to just keep walking and not look down..

Okay, enough of that. Lets go back to weight loss/dieting… Someone told me the other day that they were doing what I said about “paying attention” and it hadn’t worked for them…

I don’t know that I know jack shit, but somehow I’ve managed to think right about eating… I’ve lost 80lbs in the past year without dieting… Without “trying,” after years of doing every diet known to woman....

I have to say right off the bat though that if food is your comfort… Your “drug” of choice if you will, like it was for me, I’m not sure what I’m doing will work until you get rid of the need for the drug… Does that make sense?

You could switch drugs and my eating would work… I say that because I’ve acquired a tolerance (not a real taste for, unless it has frozen limeade in it too) for beer since being with the Golf Pro… I can’t drink a glass of wine as it makes me tired, and grouchy, but a beer will have the same calming effect as “medicinal fudge,” though I can drive on the fudge and I won’t on the beer.

It may be “un-enlightened” of me to drink but there you have it… I’m still evolving…

I’ve had times lately I’ve wished that I could ‘use’ sugar to calm myself, but it just tastes so bad to me now.

Since my friend told me that the paying attention hasn’t been working for her I’ve been trying to pin down exactly what it is I’ve done to lose the weight…I didn’t have to “think” about it.. I didn’t have to say some positive words daily.. I just paid attention to (contemplated?) the taste of things… the way I felt when eating them.. If it wasn’t EXACTLY the taste and texture I wanted I stopped, spit it out, threw it away.

For all of those like me with little grannies still in their heads making them feel guilty by saying “think of all the starving children in Africa” I ask you imagine the look on my sweet little Quaker great grandma’s face when, after she said just such a thing, I asked “Do you have their addresses, I’ll mail my oatmeal to them?” True story…

If you can’t bring yourself to throw it out just then, put it in the fridge and eat it later if it appeals to you then. Or throw it out tomorrow, or give it to the dog… Think of it like this - it’s better to throw it out than to have to starve/exercise it off of yourself later…

I feel the most important part about this, is the next step. Think about, contemplate, your fullness. You know how sometimes the gas gage on you car goes up and down? Your hunger/fullness is the same way.. So you’ve found EXACTLY what you want to eat.. Contemplate the exact moment when you are no longer hungry… THAT moment… If you’re not sure take one more bite.. did the hunger come back? If it’s gone stop… wait.. If it comes back you can always eat more… just stop BEFORE you hit FULL… Cause when you hit full there’s still more coming down the pike and you will be OVER-full and miserable a minute later…

I’ve had days when I am suddenly starving and the usual one piece of pizza doesn’t fill me up… On those days it takes THREE pieces and I find myself scared to death that I’m going to gain every pound back!!!.. EVERY time this happens I’ll be down at least a couple pounds on the scale the next day… EVERY time…

The last weeks I’ve had multiple days where I’m hungry all the time and I do believe it’s stress related. That being said, I’ve not gained from it… I think it’s because I am trying really hard to stop before I get the full feeling and wait a minute.. To still listen… Also I’ve tried to determine if it really is hunger, or instead thirst, or just the stress.. As long as it feels like hunger I go ahead and eat…

I refuse to judge food. I just do. It feels like spending too much mental energy on food. Which then makes me think even more about food. Spending that much time and thought on judging my food as “good vs. bad” “fat vs low fat” just makes me want to eat food even when I’m NOT hungry cause I’m thinking about it so much… It just feels like everything I used to do that was restrictive and depressing…

I say again that this is JUST what’s worked for me… I don’t know why it’s worked… I’m just thankful and amazed because after all the hard work I’ve done trying to lose weight over the years this has been so effortless I am still amazed. Every time I put on my jeans I look at them and think “those are so small they’ll never fit around one thigh!” but they do fit around all of me… Sometimes I’m tempted to be scared it’ll all come back but then I think “nah” and go on for a while longer… Since it wasn’t some big struggle to accomplish it it doesn’t feel scary.. Does that make any sense?

Send me a note on a tumbleweed if you have questions or just want to tell me I’m full of crap… Well… My eyes are brown… lol…

I love and appreciate you guys more than you know... seriously.

Angels on your bodies..
Prairie Girl