“Life is so interesting don’t ya find it”… The Rose
I have been reminded of late that the Universe is a teacher not unlike a good parent… When little, we were taught how to walk… every step was celebrated like a breakthrough for modern science or something… “oooh the baby took her first step today! It was amazing! I cried!”… then… before you know it… not only is walking NOT something you’re celebrated for… Next thing you know you're EXPECTED to do it while doing not so pleasant things….like vacuuming, or mowing the lawn… or “walking barefooted to school…in the snow… uphill…both ways”…. You get my drift right?
A few months ago I celebrated the broadening of my understanding of belief… I saw amazing things happen as the result of changing my beliefs…And the Universe celebrated with me… “Oh what a good girl… here’s a house to live in perfect for you… here’s help packing..cowboys to restore your faith in …sex, if not love… “solid ground appearing beneath steps into thin air”….
Then…the real work begins….
“So” the Universe seems to say.. “what’s the deal with this negative belief you have over here… or this one over there”… barefoot..in the snow… uphill…both ways… sigh…
See the silly little problem with belief is you not only get the positive things you think/believe… you also get the NOT so positive..
Beliefs like… “men will do or say anything just to have sex”… Well, I’ve had men that got sex and still stuck around… I’ve been married twice and lived with another guy for several years until I threw him out (he didn’t want sex… hmm interesting Dr. Freud). So why manifest this belief? I don’t know.. I’m WORKING ON THAT…sigh.. again..
Manifesting, for example, a guy that works like crazy to win me.. be with me.. calling me everyday.. whatever.. who then completely changes after sex.. still says all the right things… WHEN he calls…
Why is that a problem you ask… well I’ll tell you… I’m a SAP… no matter HOW I try.. .and buddy I’ve tried… I cannot lay my body down on a bed without my heart staying behind there…
I’ve spent the past weeks wishing I was able to have sex the way men do… no strings attached… Just a good time… Heck, I might not have even considered the guy a keeper before sleeping with him!!!! Thinking that would make it a slam dunk to just enjoy the sex… See, suddenly, at the ripe ole age of 46 I not only REALLY enjoy sex for the first time I MISS it when I don’t have it for a while…
Yes life is interesting… It was just over a year ago I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that I wouldn’t care if I NEVER had sex again… It had been used and misused in my marriage to the Ex… There was only obligation associated with it then
Sally says I should have a 5 date rule so the guys has to get “attatched” to me… I told her it didn’t work like that. If a guy was just after sex then making him wait was like making him hunt in Alaska instead of his back yard… more work, planning, money, but still just a “hunt”.
I am re-learning dating with Ms Rori Raye… re-wiring everything I ever thought I knew and it feels empowering.. It feels “right” with my new found understanding of belief… But with every step I take my limiting beliefs are surfacing…forcing me to look at them…and….hopefully…. heal them..
Another limiting belief I have is about a man really and truly “getting” me… my heart, motives… you know, that he “gets” me… and… here’s the biggie… loves me wholeheartedly… anyway.
I mentioned that I’m on online dating sites now… I’m using the men I talk to on there for practice…Learning… relearning belief,energy… want to hear something that came out of me last night? I almost fell off my chair after I typed it..
A man asked me if I had found the love of my life on the site yet and this is what came out of my fingers!!!!!
“It feels sad to admit, but I can't say I believe the love of my life is on here...Honestly I'm just trying to feel hopeful he's anywhere... I've been married twice Sam, the last time for 12 yrs... I didn't hold out for the love of my life either time... I settled for close enough and it feels sad to realize and admit that...”
WOW! The question that’s been niggling around in the back of my mind these past few months as I’ve looked back on my life… wondering what I could have done different… what I could have done to avoid some of the missteps I believe I took… whether I honestly WOULD have done them differently or not… some of them caused me great amounts of pain…. Such an answer, coming out of my mouth to a stranger.. Holy Macaroni Bat Girl…
I have quit trying to have sex like a man… I don’t know how I’ll handle it instead… Hopefully it will come to me as needed…
I do feel a greater understanding of how my leaving my heart on the bed after sex played a huge part in why I “settled for close enough” in the past… Why I put up with and made excuses for things that I would have not otherwise tolerated…Something I found on the web recently hits close to home with me…
Ever looked back on a past relationship and wondered “Wow, how did I NOT see those red flags?”
Well, cut yourself a little slack because there may actually be a biological force in play as well as your emotions.
Scientists at University College London reported in the journal NeuroImage that romantic love actually suppresses the brain waves associated with critical social assessment of other people and negative emotions.
In other words, once you get close to a person (i.e. you’re falling hook, line and sinker) your brain has a reduced need to assess their character and to harbor negative emotions towards them.
Yup…you read that correctly. You can be literally blinded by love.
“The suppression of neural activity in areas involving critical thinking and judgment suggests that love is not only blind, but also stupid,”
says Dr. Karin Anderson, Associate Professor of Psychology and Counselor Education, Concordia University Chicago and author of It Just Hasn’t Happened Yet (Clifton Hills Press, 2010).
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So how am I today? Well I’m mostly upward and onward with only slight pangs of …. Something…sadness, worry, but they are trumped by a growing bud of faith…
I keep my “lighthouses” in sight… My Spirit Guides close by to remind me the truth of “blooming where I’m planted”…
I tell myself that “what’s mine comes to me”….I unclench my hands so they are ready to receive…I step back…I breathe… I open my heart to all to love and beauty that surrounds me…Then I tie it all to a tumbleweed and send it out of me so I can be healed once again…
Oh, I haven’t forgotten my promise to tell you about cowboys in cyberspace…. I just took a spill from my “positive” pony and needed to brush my ass off… and maybe rub it a bit… since there doesn’t seem to be any cowboys handy to do it for me… Not that I’d let them!!!! I’m sworn off that kind of thing for the moment…<giggle>
Angels on your body
Prairie Girl…
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